Eminem
[in a high falsetto voice]
Uncle Marshall!
Will you tell us a bedtime story?
[regular voice]
Here we go...

Now once upon a time not long ago
There was a little rapper about to blow
But his album came and it was not good
I think it went lead or double copper wood
So the silly little fans they were mislead
By a nerdy [bad word] hip-hop head
"Me and you, 'Clef, we're gonna make some cash
Grab the silver paint and let's paint my [bad word] 
Hey mister, would ya care to bare witness to
The [bad word] whippin' I'm about to administer
To this [bad word] kissin' little vaginal blister
Stanabis, little Marshall Mathers' sister
And in this corner, we have the mister
Not havin' it, it's the mad sinister
Dr. Evil with his bag of tricks for
this little antagonist [bad word] [bad word] suckin'
Ex-LL Cool J fan from Windsor
I'm 'bout to murder little Kenny [bad word] Keniff-sta
You [bad word] I ain't wanna have to diss ya
Canabis, where the [bad word] you at? I miss ya!
 [bad word] 
Can-i [bad word]  oh Can-i [bad word] Where for art thou Can-i [bad word] 
Please tell me what happened with
That style that you were rappin' with
Can-i [bad word]  oh Can-i [bad word] Are you from Los Angeles
New York or just a janitor
From Canada? Oh Can-i [bad word] 
Now at first I ain't really understand the [bad word] Picture me for a second and imagine it
Chillin' in the Bat-Mansion and relaxin'
When all a sudden some [bad [bad word] across the scanners
It's Can-i [bad word] on some "Stan Lives" [bad word] It creeped me out at first. Man this is sick
For me, being just a sick, this conflict
Gets my [bad word] harder than arithmetic
And I know how you jealous ones envy
I shoulda knew better from the first few letters you sent me
The first two letters you were tellin' me [bad word] Like you respect me, like any other regular MC
The third letter you ask [bad word] I ain't return
None of the messages at Shady Records you left me
The fourth letter: "Slim, you really startin' to upset me!"
The fifth letter told me you [bad word]  to get me
The sixth letter there's a bomb threat in our building
This crazy [bad word] s really tryin' to kill me!
So I went back and read the first few letters that said
Some [bad word] about a message you left
Oh [bad word]  that's not an "E" that's an "A"
This dude wants to leave me a "massage," he's [bad word] !
Right away I'm on the phone with Dr. Dre
We got a bogey! (Marshall I'm on the way)
 [bad word] 
Can-i [bad word]  oh Can-i [bad word] Where for art thou Can-i [bad word] 
Please tell me what happened with
That style that you were rappin' with
Can-i [bad word]  oh Can-i [bad word] Are you from Los Angeles
New York or just a janitor
From Canada? Oh Can-i [bad word] 
So in two seconds flat Dre's at my crib
The funny thing is we both know where this kid lives
And neither one of us have Canadian citizenship [bad word]  Oh Dre, wait a mintue that's it
All we gotta do is use a bit of turbo boost
We can fly over the border "Let's go" [WOOSH!]
So we're off to Toronto and we're gainin' speed
[BOOSH!] (What was that? Oh) Jermaine Dupri [bad word] It, keep goin' no time to waste
Wait, backup hit him one more time in case
Okay .. [bad word] now he's draggin' under the car
Oh well, only 30 more thousand miles
Meanwhile me and Dre are tryin' to conversate
Just tryin' to find a reason for the constant hate
And tryin' to figure out what happened to 'Germaine Propaine'
"He couldn't have fell off that hard" Ain't no way
"What happened to the way you was rappin' when you was scandalous
That Canibus turned into a television evangelist"
Plus he raps with his regular voice [BOOSH! BOOSH!]
[BOOSH! BOOSH!]