man's got a heart, hasn't he?
   Joking apart -- hasn't he?
   And though I'd be the first one to say that I wasn't a saint,
   I'm finding it hard to be really as black as they paint.
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   Can a fellow be a villain all his life?
   All the trials and tribulation!
   Better settle down and get meself a wife.
   And a wife would cook and sew for me,
   [bad word] for me, and go for me,
   And go for me and nag at me,
   The fingers she will wag at me.
   The money she will take from me.
   misery, she'll make from me...
   I think I'd better think it out again!
   
   wife you can keep, anyway;
   I'd rather sleep, anyway.
   Left without anyone in the world,
   And I'm starting from now,
   So how to win friends and to influence people?
   So how?
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   I must quickly look up ev'ryone I know:
   Titled people -- with a station --
   Who can help me make a real impressive show!
   I will own a suite at Claridges,
   [bad word] a fleet of carriages,
   And wave at all the duchesses
   With friendliness, as much as is
   Befitting of my new estate...
   "Good morning to you, magistrate!" (beat)
   I think I'd better think it out again.
   
   So where shall I go -- somebody?
   Who do I know? Nobody!
   All my [bad word]    Have always been villains and thieves.
   So at my time of life I should start
   Turning over new leaves?
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   If you want to eat -- you've got to earn a bob!
   Is it such a humiliation
   For a robber to perform an honest job?
   So a job I'm getting, possibly,
   I wonder who the boss'll be?
   I wonder if he'll take to me?
   What bonuses he'll make to me?
   I'll start at eight and finish late,
   At normal rate, and all, but wait!
   I think I'd better think it out again.
   
   What happens when I'm seventy?
   [bad word] a time, seventy.
   When you're old, and it's cold
   And who cares if you live or you die?
   The one consolation's the money
   You may have put by.
   
   I'm reviewing the situation:
   I'm a bad 'un and a bad 'un I shall stay!
   You'll be seeing no transformation,
   But it's wrong to be a rogue in ev'ry way.
   
   I don't want nobody hurt for me,
   Or made to do the dirt for me.
   This rotten life is not for me.
   It's getting far too hot for me.
   Don't want no one to rob for me.
   But who will find a job for me.
   There is no in between for me,
   But who will change the scene for me?
   I think I'd better think it out again!