Well, I took me a woman late last night 
I's three-fourths [bad word] she looked all right 
'Til she started peelin' off her onion [bad word] 
She took off her wig, said, "How do I look" ? 
I's high flyin', bare naked ...Out the window. 

Well, sometimes I might get [bad word] 
Walk like a duck and smell like a skunk 
Don't hurt me none, don't hurt my pride 
'Cause I got my little lady right by my side 
(She's a tryin' a hide pretendin' 
She don't know me). 

I's out there paintin' on the old wood shed 
When a can a black paint it fell on my head 
I went down to [bad word] and rub 
But I had to sit in back of the tub 
(Cost a quarter 
Half price). 

Well, my telephone rang it would not stop 
It's President Kennedy callin' me up 
He said, "My friend, Bob, what do we need to make the country grow" ? 
I said, "My friend, John, "Brigitte Bardot, 
Anita Ekberg 
Sophia Loren" 
Country'll grow. 

Well, I got a woman five feet short 
She yells and hollers and squeals and snorts 
She tickles my nose pats me on the head 
Blows me over and kicks me out of bed 
(She's a man eater 
Meat grinder 
Bad looser). 

Oh, there ain't no use in me workin' alla time 
I got a woman who works herself blind 
Works up to her britches, up to her neck 
Write me letters and sends me checks 
(She's a humdinger 
Folk singer). 

Late one day in the middle of the week 
Eyes were closed I was half asleep 
I chased me a woman up the hill 
Right in the middle of an air drill 
(I jumped a fallout shelter 
I jumped the string bean 
I jumped the TV dinner 
I jumped the shot gun). 

Now, the man on the stand he wants my vote 
He's [bad word]  for office on the ballot note 
He's out there preachin' in front of the steeple 
Tellin' me he loves all kinds-a people 
(He's eatin' bagels 
He's eatin' pizza 
He's eatin' chitlins). 

Oh, set me down on a television floor 
I'll flip the channel to number four 
Out of the [bad word] a football man 
With a bottle of oil in his hand 
(Greasy kid stuff 
What I want to know, Mr. Football Man, is 
What do you do about Willy Mays 
Martin Luther King 
Olatunji). 

Well, the funniest woman I ever seen 
Was the great-granddaughter of Mr. Clean 
She takes about fifteen baths a day 
Wants me to grow a moustache on my face 
(She's insane). 

Well, ask me why I'm [bad word] alla time 
It levels my head and eases my mind 
I just walk along and stroll and sing 
I see better days and I do better things 
(I catch dinosaurs 
I make love to Elizabeth Taylor ... 
Catch [bad word] from Richard Burton.