Yeah!
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah...
Okay! Alright!
Yo, Yo.
Yo! Yo!
Alright, [bad word] first.
Here we go now!

My mom loved Valium and lots of [bad word] 
That's why I am like I am --'cuz I'm like her.
Because my mom loved Valium and lots a' [bad word] 
That's why I'm on what I'm on --'cuz I'm my mom.

"My mom, my mom" --I know you're probably
tired of hearing the "my mom" oh-oh whoa-oh,
but this is just a story of when I was just a shorty
and how I became hooked on Va-al-iu-um.
Valium was in everything: food that I ate,
the water that I drank, [bad word] peas in my plate.
She sprinkled just enough of it just to season my steak
so everyday I had at least three stomach aches.
Now tell me what kind of mother would want to see her
son be grow up to be an under-a [bad word] -chiever?
My teacher didn't think I was gonna' be nothing, either:
"What the [bad word] you stickin' gum up under the [bad word]  seat for?"
"Mrs. Mathers, your son has been huffing ether.
Either that or the [bad word] s been puffin reefer."
But all of this huffin' and puffin' wasn't what it was, either.
It was neither. I was buzzin', but it wasn't what she thought.
Pee in a tea cup? [bad word]  you ain't my keeper. I'm sleepin';
What the [bad word] you keep on [bad word]  with me for? [bad word]  you need to leave me the [bad word] alone; I ain't playin'.
Go find you a white crayon and color a [bad word]  zebra.

My mom loved Valium and lots of [bad word] 
That's why I am like I am --'cuz I'm like her.
Because my mom loved Valium and lots a' [bad word] 
That's why I'm on what I'm on --'cuz I'm my mom.

Wait a minute! This ain't dinner, this is paint thinner!
"You ate it yesterday; I ain't hear [bad word]  did I?"
"Now here's a plate full of pain killers.
Now just wait 'til I [bad word] the Valium and put it in your potatoes.
You little [bad word]  don't you sit there and make
that retarded [bad word]  face without even tastin' it!"
"You'd better lick the [bad word] , plate; you ain't wastin' it.
Put your face in it before I throw you in the basement again!
And I ain't givin' in. You're gonna' just sit there and want to [bad word]  play spin again
until next Thanksgiving, and if you still ain't finished it,
I'll use the same [bad word] again, and when I make spinach dip, it'll be placed in the [bad word] 
You little [bad word]  wanna' sit there and play innocent?
rat fell and hit me in K-Mart, and they witnessed it!
Child support? Your father, he ain't sent the [bad word] 
So what if he did? It's none of your dang business, kid!"

My mom, there's no one else quite like my mom.
I know I should let bygones be bygones,
but she's the reason why I am high on what I'm high on.

'Cuz my mom loved Valium and lots of [bad word] 
That's why I am like I am --'cuz I'm like her.
Because my mom loved Valium and lots a' [bad word] 
That's why I'm on what I'm on --'cuz I'm my mom.

My mom loved Valium. Now, what I am is a party animal.
I am what I am, but I'm strong to the finish wit' me Valium spinach.
But my bars only last about two minutes!
But I don't want to swallow it without chewin' it.
I can't even write a rhyme without you in it, my Valium, my Val-i-um. Oh!

Man, I never thought that I could ever be a [bad word] addict.
--"nah, [bad word] that, I can't have it happen to me!" but that's actually
what has ended up happenin' in a tragedy [bad word]  passin' it up back to me.
And it's probably where I got acquainted with the taste, ain't it?
Pharmaceuticals are the bomb, Mom! Beautiful!