Customer: Hello, I would like to buy a CARP license please. 
Licenser: what? 
Customer: license for my network redundancy protocol, CARP. 
Licenser: Well, it's free isn't it? 
Customer: Exactly, the protocol's name is CARP. CARP the redundancy protocol. 
Licenser: What? 
Customer: He is an.... redundancy protocol. 
Licenser: CARP is a free redundancy protocol! 
Customer: Yes, I chose it out of three, I didn't like the others, they were all too... encumbered. And now I must license it! 
Licenser: You must be a looney. 
Customer: I am not a looney! Why should I be tied with the epithet looney merely because I wish to protect my redundancy protocol? I've heard tell that Network Associates has a pet algorithm called RSA used in IETF standards, and you wouldn't call them a looney; Geoworks has a claim on WAP, after what their lawyers do to you if you try to implement it. Cisco has two redundant patents, both encumbered, and Cadtrack has a patent on cursor movement! So, if you're calling the large [bad word] that fork out millions of dollars for the use of XOR a bunch of looneys, I shall have to ask you to step outside! 
Licenser: Alright, alright, alright. license. 
Customer: Yes. 
Licenser: For a free redundancy protocol? 
Customer: Yes. 
Licenser: You are a looney. 
Customer: Look, it allows for bleeding redundancy doesn't it? Cisco's got a patent for the HSRP, and I've got to get a license for me router VRRP. 
Licenser: You don't need a license for your VRRP. 
Customer: I bleeding well do and I got one. It can't be called VRRP without it. 
Licenser: There's no such thing as a bloody VRRP license. 
Customer: Yes there is! 
Licenser: Isn't! 
Customer: Is! 
Licenser: Isn't! 
Customer: I bleeding got one, look! What's that then? 
Licenser: This is a Cisco HSRP patent document with the word "Cisco" crossed out and the word "IETF" written in in crayon. 
Customer: The man didn't have the right form. 
Licenser: What man? 
Customer: Robert Barr, the man from the redundancy detector van. 
Licenser: The looney detector van, you mean. 
Customer: Look, it's people like you what cause unrest. 
Licenser: What redundancy detector van? 
Customer: The redundancy detector van from the Monopoly of Cizzz-coeee. 
Licenser: Cizzz-coeee? 
Customer: It was spelt like that on the van. I'm very observant! I never seen so many bleeding aerials. The man said that their equipment could pinpoint a failover configuration at 400 yards! And my Cisco router, being such a flappy bat, was a piece of cake. 
Licenser: How much did you pay for that? 
Customer: Sixty quid, and twenty grand for the PIX. 
Licenser: What PIX? 
Customer: The PIX I'm replacing! 
Licenser: So you're replacing your PIX with free software, and yet you want to license it? 
Customer: There's nothing so odd about that. I'm sure they patented this protocol too. After all, the IETF had a hand in it! 
Licenser: No they didn't! 
Customer: Did! 
Licenser: Didn't! 
Customer: Did, did, did and did! 
Licenser: Oh, all right. 
Customer: Spoken like a gentleman, sir. Now, are you going to give me a CARP license? 
Licenser: I promise you that there is no such thing. You don't need one. 
Customer: In that case, give me a Firewall License. 
Licenser: license? 
Customer: Yes. 
Licenser: For your firewall? 
Customer: No. 
Licenser: No? 
Customer: No, half my firewall. It had an accident. 
Licenser: You're off your chump. 
Customer: Look, if you intend by that utilization of an obscure colloquialism to imply that my sanity is not entirely up to scratch, or indeed to deny the semi-existence of my little half firewall, I shall have to ask you to listen to this! Take it away CARP the orchestra leader! 

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