MOURNERS:
Why are all the D'Ysquiths dying?
What grisly sort of plague is going round?
It seems with every day
D'Ysquith slips away
And here we are assembled putting another one in the ground

It's frankly all been rather mystifying
Do forgive me if I scoff:
But is it not a trifle odd
How they've all gone off to God
Suddenly they're congregating underneath the sod

Oh, why are all the D'Ysquiths dying
What a tasteless way of showing off

Why are all the D'Ysquiths dying
It seems that all of London's shaken to the core
To lose one relative
One can certainly forgive
But how can you excuse losing two
Or three
Or four
Or seven

Why are all the D'Ysquiths dying
I've never seen such recklessness before
It's unnerving
It's not that they're not undeserving
Really

Why are all the D'Ysquiths dying
When [bad word] to tell so many others should
Though
Privately it was said
They should all drop dead
No one thought
They ever really would

I happened to notice there wasn't a lot of crying
I even heard a snigger from the back
Oh, it really is a shame
How I start to feel the same
How many are there left to bury after what's-his-name?

I ask you

Why are all the D'Ysquiths dying
Whoever's next, I swear I [bad word] back
I'm utterly exhausted keeping track
And most of all, I'm sick of wearing black