Conway - Well, you're the reason I'm ridin' around on big-capped tires
Loretta - And you're the reason I'm hangin' our clothes outside on wires
Both - And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Oh, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But I love you just the same.

Conway - Well, you're the reason I changed to beer from soda pop
Loretta - And you're the reason I never get to go to the beauty shop
Both - And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Oh, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But I love you just the same.

Both - I guess that we won't ever have, everything we need
'Cause when we get ahead, it's got a double mouth to feed.

Loretta - And that's the reason my good looks, and my figure is gone
Conway - And that's the reason that I ain't got no hair [bad word] 
Both - And you're the reason our kids are ugly, little darlin'
Oh, but looks ain't everything
And money ain't everything
But I love you just the same.

Loretta (speaking) - Conway, why in the devil don't you go and shave,
Or put on clean pair of pants?
Conway (speaking) - But Loretta, look at yourself. I wish you'd take
Them curlers outta your hair and go put on a little
Make-up and get outta that housecoat before supper.
Loretta - Well let me tell you somethin' Conway. Considering everything
That I went through today, I look like a movie star.
Conway - [bad word] Buzzley.
Loretta - Thank you.
Conway - Besides that, all of our kids took after your part of the family anyways.
Loretta - Oh they did, huh? What about the ones that's bald?
Conway - Well, I guess you could say they took after me...