Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and fate

I was around when Jesus Christ
Had His moment of doubt and pain
Made [bad word] sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersburg
When I saw it was time for a change
I killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank, held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

I watched with glee while your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades for the gods they made
I shouted out, "Who killed the Kennedy's?"
When after all, it was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadours
Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all you sinners saints
As heads is tails, just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So, if you meet me, have some courtesy
Have some sympathy and some taste
Use all your well learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste

Hey, pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game