[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
THOMAS JEFFERSON
VERSUS
FREDERICK DOUGLASS
BEGIN!

[Verse 1: Thomas Jefferson]
When in the course of human events
It [bad word] necessary for a battle [bad word] 
Then kplow! I hit 'em with the illness of my quill
I'm endowed with certain unalienable skills
Let [bad word] down my resume, will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States
Sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat [bad word] 
When [bad word] to declaration I'm the first draft pick
I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware
I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves, it's [bad word] 
But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about YOU
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit
 [bad word] back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention third president, the [bad word] #39;d you do?

[Verse 2: Frederick Douglass]
You finished?
Okay
Straight outta bondage!
brainy mother [bad word] here to diss you
Big hair, big nuts, big issues
Starting with your nickel, there's a real declaration
Heads for racist, tails for a slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello
Hello! But now you're facing me, Freddy 
I'd never work for your [bad word] but I'll kick it for free
Your stone face [bad word] ain't nothing
Check my photos, now that's real muggin'
The face of a free man, taught himself to read, man
 [bad word]  you couldn't whip a 5th of me, man!
You got a self evident [bad word] of your own
You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!

[Verse 3: Thomas Jefferson]
Oh Frederick, I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated
But I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used where "hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy
Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it, you're free now
So...we cool?

[Verse 4: Frederick Douglass]
This ain't Louisiana man
I ain't buying it
You talk about freedom but you ain't applying [bad word] #33;
So no, we ain't cool
You founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama
And never even bothered
To free her when you died
On the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday
But what the [bad word] does it mean to this guy?
Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th [bad word] amendment was ratified
And I ceased to be an alien to your unalienable rights
And "We, the People" stopped meaning "We the people, who are white!"
Man, you did some good things
I ain't denying your fame
I'm just saying, they need to put an asterisk
Next to your name