THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Unhappy...unhappy..very unhappy
Unhappy...unhappy...
Very very very very very
Very very unhappy 
BLACK ACCOUNTANT:
Oh, I debits all duh mornin'
An' I credits all duh eb'nin
Until dem ledgers be right 
LEO & THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Until dem ledgers be right 
LEO:
I spend my life accounting
With figures and such 
THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Unhappy 
LEO:
To what is my life amounting
It figures, not much 
THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Unhappy 
LEO:
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role 
I wanna be a producer
With a hit show on Broadway
I wanna be a producer
Lunch at Sardi's every day
I wanna be a producer
Sport a top hat and a cane
I wanna be a producer
And drive those [bad word] girls insane! 
I wanna be a producer
And sleep until half-past two
I wanna be a producer
And say, "You, you, you, not you"
I wanna be a producer
Wear a tux on op'ning nights!
I wanna be a producer
And see my name "Leo Bloom" in lights!  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be a producer 
LEO:
Sell it, girls! [bad word] GIRLS:
Of a great big Broadway smash 
LEO:
Don't forget the balcony!  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be a producer
Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash
He wants to be a producer
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry [bad word] GIRL #1:
Ouch!  [bad word] GIRL #2:
Eek!  [bad word] GIRL #3:
Ooh!  [bad word] GIRL #4:
Oh!  [bad word] GIRL #5:
Ahh!  [bad word] GIRL #6:
Yes!  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be a producer
With a great big casting couch! 
LEO:
I wanna be...  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be... 
LEO:
I wanna be...  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be... 
LEO:
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous producer in the world  [bad word] GIRLS:
He wants to be a producer
He wants to dine with a duchess and a duke 
LEO:
I just gotta be a producer
Drink champagne until I puke  [bad word] GIRLS:
Drink champagne 'til he pukes! 
LEO:
I wanna be a producer
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna put on shows
That will enthrall 'em  [bad word] GIRLS & LEO:
Read my name in Winchell's column! 
LEO:
I wanna be a producer
'Cause it's everything I'm not 
THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Unhappy...unhappy...
So unhappy 
LEO & THE ACCOUNTANTS:
Very very very very very
very very... 
THE ACCOUNTANTS:
...sad 
LEO:
I wanna be a producer
Hold everything! What I am I doing here? Mr. Bialystock was right!
There is a lot more to me than there is to me!
Stop the world, I wanna get on! 
MARKS:
Bloom, where do you think you're going? 
LEO:
Mr. Marks, I've got news for you. I quit!
Here's my visor...my Dixon Ticonderoga number two pencil... and my big finish! 
I'm gonna be a producer
Sound the horn and beat the [bad word] I'm gonna be a producer
Look out Broadway, here [bad word] !  [bad word] GIRLS & ACCOUNTANTS:
Broadway, here [bad word]