Cos this ain't a topic I'm particularly well versed 
on girls going loopy in the front row showing you a thong 
Cos for some reason I don't seem to grab much attention, 
the other two get more offers than I'd care to mention 
But, a girl did show me her [bad word] in Frog once 
but she had the beer goggles on she didn't know what I was 
Perhaps in time this totty will endeavour 
or maybe they'll never get past my face like chamois leather. 

When you are famous boy, it gets really easy to get girls 
It's all so easy that you get spoilt 
But if you try to pull a bird, who is also famous too 
Then it's just like when you wasn't famous 

The closest I've been to pulling a celeb yet 
dream I had when I was 12, I shagged Alannis Morrisette 
But seriously though don't even bother to rip it 
If I had the chance again I probably wouldn't have gone through with it 
Once I did bump into Natalie [bad word] 
She weren't really doing it for me, I didn't like her new hair 
So all I'm saying is I have no set of expertise 
You're probably listening to your CD thinking who the [bad word] is this? 

When you get famous boy, it really easy to get girls 
It's all so easy that you get spoilt 
But if you try to pull a bird, who is also famous too 
Then it's just like when you wasn't famous 

I the only one who thinks this is out of control? 
People getting famous and for sweet f-all 
Whatever happened to talent, serving [bad word] 
Like Elton John or Sir Paul McCartney? 
Cos nowadays, everybody wants to be 
someone much rather than a nobody 
If I'm entirely honest it's the quiet life for me 
I'm quite happy to still be flipping burgers in Fleet service Maccy D's