Well, I’m a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
Yeah, I’m a lonesome schoolboy
and I just came into town
Well, I heard so much about London
I decided to check it out

Well, I wait in Leicester Square
with [bad word] hither look in my eye
Yeah, I’m leaning on Nelson’s Column
but all I do is talk to the lime

Oh where can I get my [bad word] sucked?
Where can I get my [bad word] [bad word] 
I may have no money,
but I know where to put it every time

Well, I asked a young policeman
if he’d only lock me up for the night
Well, I’ve had pigs in the farmyard,
some of them, some of them, they’re alright
Well, he [bad word] me with his [bad word] 
and his helmet was way too tight

Oh where can I get my [bad word] sucked?
Where can I get my [bad word] [bad word] 
I ain’t got no money,
but I know where to put it every time

I’m a lonesome schoolboy in your town
I’m a lonesome schoolboy