[bad word] in
Well, well, well, look who's here
I haven't seen you in many a year

If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
baked a cake, baked a cake
If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do
Had you dropped me a letter, I'd a-hired a band
Grandest band in the land
Had you dropped me a letter, I'd a-hired a band
And spread the [bad word] mat for you

Oh, I don't know where you came from
'cause I don't know where you've been
But it really doesn't matter
Grab a chair and fill your platter
And dig, dig, dig right in

If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Hired a band, goodness sake
If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do
 [bad word] Interlude]

If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
baked a cake, baked a cake
If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do

Had you dropped me a letter
I'd a-hired a band
Grandest band in the land
Had you dropped me a letter
I'd a-hired a band
Spread the [bad word] mat for you

Oh, I don't know where you came from
'Cause I don't know where you've been
But it really doesn't matter
Grab a chair and fill your platter
And dig, dig, dig right in

If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Hired a band, goodness sake
If I knew you [bad word]  I'd've baked a cake
Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do

Howd-ya do, howd-ya do, howd-ya do
Howd-ya do-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh