(Performs - Mr Wormwood, [bad word] 

Somewhere on a show I heard
That a picture tells a thousand words,
So telly, if you bothered to take a look,
Is the equivalent, of like, lots of books!
 [bad word] 1:]
All I know I learned from telly,
This big beautiful box of facts.
If you know a thing already,
Baby, you can switch the channel over just like that.

Endless joy and endless laughter...
Folks living happily ever after...
All you need to make you wise
Is 23 minutes plus advertisements.

[Bridge 1:]
Why would we waste our energy?
Turning the pages 1, 2, 3,
When we can [bad word] On our lovely bumferlies,
Watching people singing and talking and doing stuff?!
 [bad word] 2:]
All I know I learned from telly.
The bigger the telly, the smarter the man!
You can tell from my big telly,
Just what a clever fella I am!

Take it away, son.
[terrible guitar solo]
You can’t learn that from a stupid book.

All I know I learned from telly -
What to think and what to buy.
I was pretty smart already,
But now I’m really, really smart - very very smart.
Endless content, endless channels...
Endless chat on endless panels...
All you need to fill your muffin,
Without having to really think or nothing!

[Bridge 2:]
Why would we waste our energy,
Trying to work out Ulysses,
When we can sit happily
On our lovely bapperlies
Watching slightly famous people,
Talking to really famous people?

[Repeat [bad word] 2]

Who the [bad word] is Charles [bad word] 
Mary Shelly? Gosh, she sounds smelly.
Harry Potter? What a rotter...
Jane Austen in [bad word] bin...
James Joyce doesn’t sound nice.
Ian McEwen? Ugh, I feel like spewin'.
William Shakespeare? Swilliam Shmakespeare...
Moby [bad word] – easy Grandma!

All together now!

[Repeat [bad word] 2]

Thank you very much!