Sitting here on Christmas Eve with a brandy in my hand
Oh I've had a few too many and it's getting hard to stand
I keep hearing noises from my fireplace
I must be going crazy or the brandy's won the race

And I keep hearing ho ho ho, guess who's here
Your fat and jolly friend draws near
Ho ho ho, surprise, surprise
The bearded weirdy's just arrived

Ho ho ho, guess who's here
Your fat and jolly friend draws near
Ho ho ho, surprise surprise
The bearded wierdy's just arrived

On my roof there's snorting sounds, and bells inside my head
My vision's blurred with colour, and all he sees is red
There's a pair of large sized [bad word] down my flue
And the smell of [bad word]  oh is filling up the room