So you're gonna live in Paradise, 
With a ten-foot [bad word] and a few hundred virgins.
So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot [bad word] and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the [bad word] down with his shimmering chariot of salvation,
You're gonna be the first to know.

And so if...
God was there from the very beginning
He invented men and women,
Then He also invented [bad word]  
Then He said [bad word] was sinning.
So if I'm feeling randy
I'm not allowed to hand-shandy,
But having  with my family,
That is just [bad word] great.
It's all there in Ezekial 8,
Just before He opens up His big pearly gate,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the date,
Even if it's great,
Even with your mate.

So you're gonna live in Paradise,
With a ten-foot [bad word] and few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at the greener grass,
And when the [bad word] down
With his shimmering rod of judgement,
He's gonna kick my heathen [bad word] 

So if you...
Cover the bodies of your women
Everybody is grinning,
Because black is so slimming,
Though it's not great for swimming.
But it gives me an erection,
With the increased ual tension,
What with the U.V. protection
That is second to none.
You'll find it all in the Quran
Just next to the bit that justifies guns,
And says that it's a sin
To take it up the bum, 
Even if it's fun,
Even with permition from your mum.

So you're gonna live in Paradise
With a ten-foot [bad word] and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a shot at eternity,
And when the [bad word] down
And I haven't done my penance,
He's gonna disembowel me.

You say that...
If I...
Stumbled on a watch I'd assume it had a watchmaker,
That a muffin presupposes a baker,
So you must agree sooner or later, 
That this proves that there's a creator.
So if I put my foot in a stinker,
You'd assume the existence of a sphincter,
Thus you don't need to be a great thinker
To coclude that God's a bum,
Which negates the words of Genesis 1
Which made Him out to be so much fun,
Until Adam succumbed
To temptation,
And then His only son
Got nailed to a gum,
Or the Middle-Eastern equivalent,
Which suggests that God's omniscience
Is nullified by His ambivilance,
Unless it turns out that He's impotent,
And if God can't get a boner,
I guess that explains the plethora
Of huge erections in His honour -
Because we all know a steeple's just a [bad word] manifestation of a huge stiff [bad word] -
Still He tells us that it's heinous
To stick a [bad word] up your [bad word] 
Even if you're famous,
Even if you're good at tennis.

So you're gonna live in Paradise
Witha ten-foot [bad word] and a few hundred virgins,
So you're gonna sacrifice your life
For a ride on a UFO,
And when the [bad word] downwith his big stiff rod of justice,
I'm gonna be the first to go, 
He's gonna send me down below,
He's gonna whip me like a cotton-pickin' negro,
I'm gonna be the first to go.