sleep holds silent the failure as I caress neglect. [bad word] on myself, my utmost concern. I cant shed this skin, as time stands still to reveal ugliness. this is not how I imagined myself, so self absorbed with eyes sealed shut. surrounded by lies to protect myself. protect myself from the [bad word] and live my well-built facade. shrouded with images of self-content. unwillingness to disappoint always leads to disappointment. in our eyes we are what we [bad word] but it never rings [bad word] 

this portrait, the paint is smeared, its a constant reminder of this image I create. its a constant reminder that everything has changed, im choked by visions of myself, im suffocating. but in our own way we all take this for granted. we all feel alone. as much as we dont like to admit it. we know its [bad word]