Music and Lyrics by Joss Whedon
Performed by Steve Berg, David Fury, Marti Noxon, Rob Reinis, Stacy Shirk, Maurissa Tancharoen, and Jed Whedon

Maurissa:
HERE’S TALE AS OLD AS TIME AND TIDE
SIMPLE GIRL, WANDERER
WHO GREW UP STARRY-EYED

Stacy:
YOU SEE ME FOR AN INSTANT
YOU SEE EVERYTHING INSIDE

Steve:
NO MATTER WHAT THE MOVIE TRIES TO HIDE

Groupies:
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Maurissa:
IT’S GROUPIE NUMBER ONE

Stacy:
GROUPIE NUMBER TWO

Steve:
IT’S GROUPIE NUMBER THREE

Groupies:
AND IF I HAD THE SCREEN TIME I DESERVED YOU’SEE

Maurissa:
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Newscasters:
HERE’S TALE THAT CAN BE TOLD AT LAST
OF DESKS THAT MUST BE SAT BEHIND
AND NEWS THAT MUST BE CAST

Marti:
THE MOMENT IS SO FLEETING

David:
BUT OUR TALENT IS SO VAST

Newscasters:
THE SO-CALLED STARS ARE HOPELESSLY OUTCLASSED

Marti:
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

David:
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME
WITH ALL THE LATEST BREAKING HEADLINES ON THIS TRAGEDY

Marti:
AND IF I HAD THE SCREEN TIME I DESERVE YOU’SEE

Newscasters:
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

Rob:
THEY CALL ME MOVING GUY
BECAUSE I MOVE THE AUDIENCE TO TEARS

Jed:
WE’RE NOT JUST [bad word] BOYS

Bad Horse [bad word] 
WE’VE GOT STORY ARC AND FROTHY BEERS

Stacy:
THEY’LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I GAVE
THE FILM IS LOCKED, THE DOOR IS SHUT

Steve:
THEY WOULDN’T GIVE ME FINAL CUT
BUT WHAT YOU’SEE

All:
IS ALL ABOUT ME
IT’S ALL ABOUT ME
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHERE I’M LISTED ON IMDB

David:
IT’S LAST, BUT IN THE MEANTIME I THINK YOU’LL AGREE

David and Maurissa:
FINALLY

All:
IT’S ALL ABOUT

NOT THEM
NOT THEM
NOT THEM…