Man your really one heck of a guy
Best friend since junior high
You showed me Playboy for the very first time
That was rad
We saw Bon Jovi we sat in the front row
I pierced your ear right before the show
We stole your brother's beer and he didn't know

Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love or did
You just want to get some
That girl is crazy she's a lo-co-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You'd [bad word] for cover
Cause she's tickin like a time bomb
And did i mention that [bad word] 
Now your stuck with her
Like Mellencamp is stuck with cougar.
I guess that makes me the LUCKIEST LOSER

I met her at a kegger past out in the yard
Gettin in her pants wasn't really that hard
6 months later she crashed my car
That was rad
She's got a glow from her spray on tan
Marilyn manson is her favorite band
I really think she might worship Satan, not a band

Your new boyfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love or did
You just want to get some
That girl is crazy she's a lo-co-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You [bad word] for cover
Cause she's tickin like a time bomb
And did i mention that [bad word] 
Now she's stuck with you
Like a frat guy with a bad tattoo
Like celebrity golf with Alice Cooper
Guess that makes me the LUCKIEST LOSER

Mel Gibson, Danny Glover you deserve each other
I'll leave the weapon when you take her home to
Meet your mother
She was a superstar, back seat of my car
Those days are over, now the night goes on yeah

Your new girlfriend is a son of a gun
Did you fall in love
Or did you just want to get some
That girl is crazy she's a lo-co-motion
I know you know she used to be my girl
You'd [bad word] for cover
Cause she's tickin like a time bomb
And did i mention that [bad word] 
Now your stuck wit her
Like Mellencamp is stuck with cougar.
Like number two on a pooper scooper
I guess that makes me the LUCKIEST LOSER