we're like prisoners stumbling through condemned buildings. we're like traitors to some defeated cause. the war was happening either way. all you could do was be for or against it. this is back when things were bright. before [bad word] reached our towns. before the orphans and carrier pigeons. it was easy to imagine being somewhere safe. it was easy to imagine you naked and waiting in bed for me. i was tired of hearing about my father's suicide. i already inherited his paranoia. it was either january or [bad word]  there was always a martyr willing to die for my sins. i sat there thinking about who i had failed most recently and i wondered if they even noticed. picture us drowning on opposite sides of the world. i had no idea what pushed us apart. i never stopped to think that you might choose something better for yourself. this is how [bad word] stupid i was.