Those crazy Christians, I was gonna sleep in today
But the church bells woke me up and they’re a half a mile away
Those crazy Christians, dressed up drivin’ down my street
Get their weekly dose of guilt before they head to Applebee’s

They pray before they eat and they pray before they snore
They pray before a football game and every time they score
Every untimely passing, every dear departed soul
Is just another good excuse to bake a casserole

Those crazy Christians, go and jump on some airplane
And fly to Africa or Haiti, risk their lives in Jesus’ name
No, they ain’t the late night party kind
They curse the devil’s whiskey while they drink the Savior’s wine

famous TV preacher has a big affair and then
One tearful confession and he’s born again again
Someone yells hallelujah and they shout and clap and sing
It’s like they can’t wait to forgive someone for just about anything
Those crazy Christians

Instead of being outside on this sunny afternoon
They’re by the bedside of a stranger in a cold hospital room
And every now and then they meet a poor lost soul like me
Who’s not quite sure just who or what or how he ought to be
They march him down the aisle and then the next thing that you know
They dunk him in the water and [bad word] another one of those crazy Christians

They look to heaven their whole life
And I think what if they’re wrong but what if they’re right
You know it’s funny, much as I’m baffled by it all
If I ever really needed help, well you know who I’d call
Is those crazy Christians