There’s a backyard show where everybody goes ‘cause everybody knows at this masquerade
They wear strange costumes and heave water balloons and one kid’s dressed up like a deviled egg
That’s when I say, “ What’s this?  There’s something that I’ve missed there ain’t nothing like this back in Upstate”
But “When in Louisville,” they say, “join the crazy ballet”
So with blazing waterguns I join the fray

Yes I learned on that day what local flavor means
With a dinner made from dumpsters on Kentucky streets
You won’t learn anything tied up in restaurant chains
Why bother traveling if it all just tastes the same?

On the guidebook page a travel-weary sage is sharing the best secrets from her latest trek
Then the [bad word] and money builds it up and pretty soon the place is just a wreck
But when I hit the road I want pie a la mode from a café where they don’t wear uniforms
Where the salt of the earth season their hometown turf with art that you can’t find in any store

Yes I know there’s nothing new out on the interstate
And a journey’s pointless if the asphalt mediates
You won’t find anything if you’re tied with retail chains
Why bother traveling if it all just looks the same

There’s a warehouse show out in New Mexico and films are being screened up on a Brooklyn roof
Basement galleries in Knoxville, Tennessee and Tallahassee games under the moon
So will [bad word] with me to either shining sea to cleanse the monoculture from our souls?
Then we’ll roam town to town listening for any sound that can tell us they’re having a show
So raise a glass of your sweat to acknowledge the debt that we owe to our most gracious hosts