I’ve been feeling dull as a coat hanger pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh iv
giddy as a gangbanger with a set of sutures where his magic johnson ought to be

yes i'll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing
lets start in with a test of your intelligence and zest for the counter productive
up and down and roundabout and out the back and keep your mouth shut
tight the lights are staying out but no sweat I’ve got aim like a mack [bad word] guess how many fingers ok guess how many more i can fit there
guess right get the toaster but you know, miss, guessing gets you nowhere

I’ve been baking cakes for the enemy
I’ve been dying to find out the hard way
I’ve been taking friends to the alleyway
two down now but who’s counting anyway?

yes i can do everything you need from out of my new SUV
my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery
put away those pliers honey [bad word] me cause i know the options
how about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

I’ve been getting up close and intimate
some close calls but oh im getting into it
in some states they say you can burn for it
but ill burn that bridge when I get to it

it's not a bad thing
to get professional
its got a nice ring
mandy goes to med school

I’ve been taking tips from the government
I’ve been getting [bad word] good at hiding it
fifteen bucks a month ought to cover it
two down now but who’s gonna notice it?

if you show up and i am unavailable
my partner Brian would love to take care of you

he is a nice man
fairly reliable
he's in a rock band
and he goes to med school