Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now! 
We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible! 
 [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah 

If I were God there would be no explicit  on T.V. 
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea 

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols 
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible 
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2" 
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no 
 [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah 

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything 
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing 

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops 
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap 
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins thou shall not cut "Footloose" 
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no 
 [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah  [bad word] yeah 

And when they nail my pimpled [bad word] to the cross 
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off 
He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars 
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar? 
To pry these God [bad word] nails out they're beginning to hurt  [bad word] and all I got was this lousy tee shirt 
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged 
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God 
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven 
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven" 
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick 
You just can't teach an old God new tricks 
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem? 
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy? 
Just sport some [bad word] "holier than thou" facade 
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God