Can you stand upon one leg
It's harder than you think
If you can do it without falling down
You can do just about anything
Go on, see if you can
See how long you can stand on one leg

Can you beat your dad at chess
It's harder than you think
Sit him down at Christmas
Turn the TV off
Give him lots of chocolates and a drink
And he might give you a match
And when you've been duly dispatched he will laugh
Ha ha ha
And you'll say, "one more game"

Can you write a silly song
It's harder than you think
One that's not too short
One that's not too long
One that can make everybody sing
Go on, give it a try
You might do better than I
It's just like trying to stand on one leg

Tell me can you tell a funny joke
One that makes you laugh out loud
One that makes the [bad word] out your nose
If you know a funny joke then tell it now

That's not bad, I'm impressed
But there's one final test

Can you hold a singing note for a stupidly long time
Well it's my party piece so let's make it a little harder
By starting it way up high [bad word] on, give it a go
Let's see how long you can hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooold on to a note!