Emmanuel Kant was a real [bad word] 
Who was very rarely stable. 
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 
Who could think you under the table. 
David Hume could out-consume 
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel, 
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine 
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel. 

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya' 
'Bout the raising of the wrist. 
Socrates, himself, was permanently [bad word] ..

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, 
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill. 
Plato, they say, could stick it away: 
Half a crate of whiskey every day. 
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle, 
Hobbes was fond of his dram, 
And Rene Descartes was a [bad word] [bad word]  "I drink, therefore I am" 

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed; 
lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's [bad word]