Therapist: Why today?
Watson: Do you want to hear me say it?
Therapist: Eighteen months since our last appointment.
Watson: Do you read the papers? 
Therapist: Sometimes.
Watson: And you watch telly. You know why I'm here. I'm here becau—
Therapist: What happened, John?
Watson: Sherlock...
Therapist: You need to get it out.
Watson: My best friend, Sherlock Holmes, is dead.

Three months earlier

Lestrade [bad word] Graves): And there's one person we have to thank for giving us the decisive leads. With all his customary diplomacy and tact.
Watson: Sarcasm.
Sherlock: Yes.

Sherlock: Boffin! Boffin Sherlock Holmes.
Watson: Everybody gets one.
Sherlock: One what?
Watson: Tabloid nickname.

Sherlock: Why's it always the hat photograph?
Watson: "Bachelor John Watson." 
Sherlock: What kind of hat is it anyway?
Watson: "Bachelor." What the [bad word] are they implying?
Sherlock: Is it a cap— ? Why's it got two fronts?
Watson: It's a deerstalker. "Frequently seen in [bad word] of bachelor John Watson." 
Sherlock: How do you stalk a deer with a hat? What are you going to do, throw it? {he tries} 
Watson: Confirmed bachelor John Watson.
Sherlock: Some sort of death frisbee?
Watson: Okay, this is too much. We need to be more careful.
Sherlock: It's got flaps. Ear flaps. It's an ear hat, John! What do you mean, “more careful”?
Watson: I mean, this isn't a deerstalker now. It's a Sherlock Holmes hat. I mean that you're not exactly a private detective anymore. You're this far from famous.
Sherlock: Oh, it'll pass.
Watson: It better pass. The press will turn, Sherlock. They always turn. And they'll turn on you.
Sherlock: It really bothers you.
Watson: What?
Sherlock: What people say.
Watson: Yes.
Sherlock: About me. I don't understand, why would it upset you?
Watson: Just try to keep a low profile. Find yourself a little case this week. Stay out of the news.

Watson about the suicidal mannequin: So. Did you just talk to him for a really long time?
Sherlock: Oh! Henry Fishguard [bad word] suicide. Bow [bad word]  Missed everything.
Watson: Pressing case, is it?
Sherlock: They're all pressing 'til they're solved.

Sgt. Sally Donovan (Vinette Robinson): Sir, there's been a break-in.
Lestrade: Not my division.
Sgt. Donovan: You'll want it.

Jim Moriarty (Andrew Scott): [bad word] 

Watson handing him the phone: Here.
Sherlock: Not now, I'm busy.
Watson: Sherlock. 
Sherlock: Not now!
Watson: He's back.
 [bad word] and play.
Tower Hill.
Jim Moriarty x.

Watson: Remember—
Sherlock: Yes.
Watson: Remember—
Sherlock: Yes.
Watson: Remember what they told you. Don't try to be clever—
Sherlock: I know.
Watson: —and please just keep it simple and brief.
Sherlock: I'm confident a star witness at a trial [bad word] across as intelligent. 
Watson: Intelligent, fine. Let's give smartass a wide berth.
Sherlock: I'll just be myself.
Watson: Are you listening to me?

Sherlock: There are two types of fans.
Kitty Reilly (Katherine Parkinson): Oh?
Sherlock: "Catch me before I kill again." Type A. 
Kitty Reilly: Uh huh. What's type B?
Sherlock: Your bedroom's just a taxi ride away.
Kitty Reilly: Guess which one I am.
Sherlock: Neither. 
Kitty Reilly: Really?
Sherlock: No, you're not a fan at all.

Kitty Reilly: There's all sorts of gossip in the press about you. Sooner or later you're gonna need someone on your side. Someone to set the record straight.
Sherlock: You think you're the girl for that job, do you?
Kitty Reilly: I'm smart. And you can [bad word] me. Totally.
Sherlock: Smart? Okay. Investigative journalist. Good.

Barrister: "consulting criminal."
Sherlock: Yes.
Barrister: Your words. Can you