If I recall correctly
It was the middle of spring
Walkin with my boys
Contemplating what summer will bring
We started talking about girls
And it was the funniest thing
As I started to remember some of my funniest flings

See there was Ashley,
She caught my eye the second that she passed me
I kissed her once
Then she started to harass me
She called all night long
I had to buy a brand new phone

And let me see
There was Melanie
To have a mouth like that should be a felony
Wouldn't believe half the [bad word] that she was telling me
I mean dirty vocab
She used to talk like she was [bad word] 
And after that was Tiffany
The one with the cute cousin
Are you kiddin' me?
She had a man
But that didn't mean [bad word] to me
He tried to catch us all the time
But I was just to [bad word] smooth

And I can't forget to mention Carrie
But that situation quickly got scary
Cuz after 2 days she was like lets get married
Can you believe that [bad word] 
I had to pack my bags and move!

They say I gotta change my evil ways
And I'm working hard at it every day but
No matter what i do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
If love is just a game that people play
And practice make perfect is what they say but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to

I'll always remember Monica
The Jewish chick
She'd always give me gifts for Chanukkah
To meet her folks she tried to make me rock a Yhomica
But she looked so [bad word] good
She almost made my [bad word] convert

And after that there was Lisa
She had a twin sister, Teresa
I bumped into them at Cam's getting pizza
The greatest night of my life
Schlep's "The Rock that Killed Two Birds"

And there was Erica
She had the stankest breath in North America,
I tried to slip her tic tac's
But they were scared of her
And when we made out
I always had to plug my nose

And I suppose you know your sister
Shoot, I swear by hand and God
I only kissed her
I gotta foot fetish
But she gotta lota blisters
I mean hammer time feet
You'd think she had dead bugs for toes

They say I gotta change my evil ways
And I'm working hard at it every day but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
If love is just a game that people play
And practice make perfect is what they say but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to

Yo Matt,
Remember Catherine?
She talked so much
I used to make her bring me aspirin
Bla, bla bla bla
I'm doing fine thanks for asking
I even tried to make a muzzle
But her mouth just would not quit

Oh [bad word] Remember Shauna?
I hate to bring her up again
I didn't wanna
That girl I talked about
In that "Girl's Dog" song
Yeah, the poster girl for Paxil
Almost made me lose my grip

And oh [bad word] There was Krystal
The meth head
She used to sniff like a fist full
One time she chased me down the street with a pistol
She tried to say I took her stash
She bugged out and tried to kill my [bad word] 
And at last we got Kimmy
She went abroad
Came back
And broke up with me
And so I ripped up all the letters that she sent me
I cried for like 3 days
Then it was back to my evil ways

They say I gotta change my evil ways
And I'm working hard at it every day but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
If love is just a game that people play
And practice make perfect is what they say but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to

They say I gotta change my evil ways
And I'm working hard at it every day but
No matter what I do
I seem to make the same mistakes that I'm trying not to
If love