painfull lesson to be learned 
Distances mean certainty to me 
Loopholes in every situation [bad word] is the greatest fear 
Antagonize the one in control 
I´m still my own worst enemy 
Reflecting what I´ve done 
rash promise: I´ll be there 
Step out of the shadow of my past mistakes 
But I´ll stay the sad and [bad word] off boy you‘ve known 
Who refuses to find peace in life´s circumstances  [bad word] from day to day, breaking the patterns of my behaviour 
I surely won´t let the demons win. 
“Until I´m there“ 
But not this city and not in April.