Original music video: youtu.be/FWj42BxDXCU
 [bad word] rhett_and_link)

— Hey.
— Whatcha doing?
— Driving, whatcha doing?
— Driving and texting.
— Hmm. Are you sure you should be doing that?

[Link]:
Yes, because I'm a textpert:
An expert at texting.
Rejecting, the notion that you think I'll be wrecking,
Due to the fact that I'm distracted?!
I multi-task best behind the wheel when I get textually active.

YOU should keep both eyes on the road, sir. For real,
You'll look down, look up and end up in the [bad word] of another automobile.
Leave it to a pro. Be [bad word] 
Until you get to where you need to go, this conversation's O. Ver

— No it isn't.
— Yes it is.
— No it isn't!

[Rhett]:
Cause I'm a textpert! An expert at texting.
Pressing, my keypad when my car's not resting.
I can divide my attention up,
I got so much attention, I've got an eleven-tion.

With one eye on the road; one eye on my phone.
I texted-in this [bad word] order for my latte and scone.
Thank you.
Now I'm-n-a text-n-eat-n-sip-n-dip and shift
It in to and then chin-drive home.

I'm a textpert.
textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur.
I'm a textpert.
Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt.

[Link]:
Sometimes I text both sides of a conversation,
Cause it's tough to keep up with my text-ual pacing.
On rare occasion, when I've got nothing to text about,
I text myself reminders of what I'm doing now.

[Rhett]:
I carry on, more concurrent conversations,
Than one phone alone is prone to accept.
So, I've
Tested and perfected my patented method:
The second handset hands-free toe text.

[Link]:
I ride with my Swedish Masseuse,
She gimme deep tissue thumb shiatzu.

[Rhett]:
My yogi shows me hand yoga poses, like:
Downward Facing Pinky and Thumb Lotus.

[Link]:
I'll never stoop so low, as to text photos,
Instead I text the [bad word] of 1's and 0's.

[Rhett]:
I'm an artiste! Using ASCII!
I just texted this toad to an art gallery.

[Link]:
I text more, than the next bored pre-pubescent tween!
In fact I've text-induced my own second puberty!

[Rhett]:
How does that work exactly?

[Link]:
Everything that happened before is happening some more,
That's all [bad word] sharing at this time...

[Rhett]:
I gave a lift to a drifter!
And texted his estranged sister,
And now I'm hostin' em here for dinner!

[Link]:
Well did I mention I'm a text-itrician?
next-gen OB/GYN, a Lamaze text-nician.

[Rhett]:
Well, I'm the next Dr. Phil of SMS.

[Link]:
I'm poppin' out babies with the power of text!

I'm a textpert.
textin' traveler who doesn't need a chauffeur-eur-eur-eur-eur.
I'm a textpert.
Don't worry, nobody's gonna get hurt-urt-urt-urt-urt.

— By the way, where're you headed son?
— Headed West on 421
— 421?
— Uh-huh
— West?!
— Yes. You?
— Me? I'm headed...

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