Sketch: The Ticket Inspector

passenger is sitting on a train. He is reading a newspaper.
waiter: Coffee?
passenger: No, thanks.
The passenger continues reading. The [bad word] back.
waiter: Seats for dinner?
passenger: No, thanks.
The passenger continues reading. The ticket inspector speaks to him.
inspector: Tickets!
passenger: No, thanks.
inspector: Pardon?
passenger: I don’t want a ticket, thank
you.
inspector: I’m not selling tickets, sir!
passenger: No?
inspector: No. I want to see your ticket.
passenger: Oh, I haven’t got one.
inspector: You haven’t got a ticket?
passenger: No, I never buy a ticket.
inspector: Why not?
passenger: They’re very expensive.
inspector: Sir, you’re travelling on a train. When you
travel by train, you buy a ticket.
passenger: I don’t.
inspector :I see. All right. Then please leave the train.
passenger: What?
inspector: Leave the train.
passenger: I can’t leave the train!
inspector: Why not?
passenger: It’s moving!
inspector: Not now, sir. At the next station.
passenger: Oh.
inspector: And [bad word] to a station now. Here we are, sir. Please leave the train.
passenger: Now?
inspector: Yes, sir. Sorry.
passenger: Oh, that’s OK.
inspector: What?
passenger: That’s OK.
inspector: OK?
passenger: Yes, this is my station. Goodbye!

Adapted from a sketch by Doug Case