Dennis Leary: I'm An [bad word] Lyrics

Folks, Id like to sing a song about the American Dream
 About me, about you
 About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
 About that special feeling we get in the [bad word] of our hearts
 Maybe below the [bad word] 
 Maybe in the sub [bad word] area,
 Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys,
 Maybe even in the colon, we dont know

 Im just a regular Joe, with a regular job
 Im your average white, suburbanite slob
 I like football and porno and books about war
 I got an average house, with a nice hardwood floor
 My wife and my job, my kids and my car
 My feet on my table, and a Cuban cigar

 But sometimes that just aint enough to keep a man like me interested
 (oh no, no way, uh uh)
 No I gotta go out and have fun at someone elses expense
 (woah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah)
 I drive really slow in the ultra fast lane
 While people behind me are going insane

 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word] 
 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word]  such an [bad word] 

 I use public toilets and I [bad word] on the seat
 I walk around in the summer time saying "how about this heat?"

 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word] 
 Im an [bad word] (hes the worlds biggest [bad word] 

 Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces
 While handicapped people make handicapped faces

 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word] 
 Im an [bad word] (hes a real [bad word] [bad word] 

 Maybe I shouldnt be singing this song
 Ranting and raving and carrying on
 Maybe theyre right when they tell me Im wrong
 Nah

 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word] 
 Im an [bad word] (hes the worlds biggest [bad word] 

 You know what Im gonna do
 Im gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
 Hot pink, with whale skin hubcaps
 And all leather cow interior
 And make brown baby seal eyes for head lights (yeah)
 And Im gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
 Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
 Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonalds
 In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
 And when Im done sucking down those greeseball burgers
 Im gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
 And then Im gonna toss the styrofoam containers right out the side
 And there aint a [bad word] thing anybody can do about it
 You know why, because weve got the bombs, thats why
 2 words, nuclear [bad word] weapons, OK? [bad word]  Germany, Romania, they can have all the democracy they want
 They can have a big democracy cakewalk
 Right through the middle of Tiananmen Square
 and it wont make a lick of difference
 Because weve got the bombs, OK?
 John Wayne's not dead, hes frozen, and as soon as we find a cure for cancer
 Were gonna thaw out the duke and hes gonna be pretty [bad word] off
 You know why,
 Have you ever taken a cold shower, well multiply that by 15 million times
 Thats how [bad word] off the dukes gonna be!
 I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
 and Lee Marvin, and Sam Peckinpah, and a case of whiskey,
 and drive down to Texas and say.....

 (Hey! You know, you really are an [bad word] )
 Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?
 Im an [bad word] (hes an [bad word] 
 Im an [bad word] (hes the worlds biggest [bad word] 

 A-S-S-H-O-L- Everybody
 A-S-S-H-O-L-
 Im an [bad word] and Im proud of it