It don't take long
For this young man to form a habit
And I know some of the things I do,They just ain't right
So tell me would it be wrong For me to use my celebrity status
To make love to a Swell Season fan Tonight?

1-315-329-6673 but only call it if you need me
1-315-329-6673 but only call it if you need me
1-315-329-6673 but only call it if you need me

Girl I know your charms, like my lovely on-screen persona,
We're sweet and humble, that's earned me my career
But it's a shame for you to miss this one time offer
To make love to Jason Segel this year
So please don't be scared if you've got bi-curious feelings
I promise baby I will never tell
Bring your [bad word] friend to my swanky Los Angeles mansion
Whoever said that three's a crowd can go to [bad word] 
Remember when I was in that show "Freaks and Geeks?"
Well there were no special effects, no special effects, 
So if you thought I was sweet, 
Well yeah, I'm really that sweet
Remember when I showed my [bad word] in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?"
Well there were no special effects, no special effects
So if you liked what you saw
Well that's exactly what I'm workin' with.

1-315-329-6673 but only call it if you need me
 1-315-329-6673 but only call if you're disease-free
 1-315-329-6673 but only call it if you need me

Remember when I showed my [bad word] in "Forgetting Sarah Marshall?" 
Well, there were no special effects, no, no special effects
So if you thought it was small, if you thought it was small
Well then your boyfriend is probably not white.