Brain-storming, habit-forming, battle-warning, weary,
winsome actor spewing spineless chilling lines.
The critics falling over to tell themselves he's boring
and really not an awful lot of fun'.
Well who the [bad word] can he be when he's never had V.D.,
and he doesn't even sit on toilet seats?
Court-jesting, never-resting he must be very cunning
to assume an air of dignity
and bless us all with his oratory prowess,
his lame-brained antics and his jumping in the air.
And every night his act's the same
and so it must be all a game of chess he's playing

'But you're wrong, Steve: you see, it's only solitaire'.