You're through to the Goth Detectives
Opening hours are midnight till dawn

If your after lifes defective
Then just call the Goth Detectives

Your best friends gone all zombie
And a poltergeist has called
Send us a cheeky email
Or just use your ouiga board

If your after lifes defective
Then just call the Goth Detectives

Black, black, blacker than black
We've been to the other side, now we are back
Super creeps and scary monsters
We are gonna feel your powers

Dracula and Frankenstein
Boys, we're your case
In a deeply gothic uniform
Of pvc, coal and lace

Don't be so selective
Call the Goth Detectives

Move away from the coffin
And close that fangy mouth
You with the cape
Put the virgin down or we use the garlic spray
We're not ...

If your after lifes defective
Just call the Goth Detectives

Black, black, blacker than black
We've been to the other side, now we are back
Pale, pale, paler than pale
The Goth Detectives are out on your trail

We have the mausoleum [bad word] out with any arms you still have up in the air
You may be undead but that doesn't mean we can't kick your boney [bad word] 
If your after lifes defective
Then just call the Goth Detectives

Move away from the invisible man
Theres nothing to see

If your after lifes defective
Then just call the Goth Detectives

Black, black, blacker than black
We've been to the other side, now we are back
Pale, pale, paler than pale
The Goth Detectives are out on your trail

Black, black, blacker than black
We've been to the other side, now we are back
Super creeps and scary monsters
We are gonna feel your powers

Just doing our jobs mam
Just doing our jobs