I play in a band, we're the best in the land
We're big in both Chelsea and France
I play one mean guitar and then score at the bar
There's a line of chicks waiting for their chance [bad word] on now honey, I'll make you feel pretty
These other gals mean nothing to me
Let's finish these drinks and be gone for the night
"Cause I'm more than a handful, you'll see
 [bad word] 
So kiss me I'm [bad word] I'm soaked I'm soiled and brown
In the trousers, she kissed me
And I only bought her one round

I can bench-press a car, I'm an ex-football star
With degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Girls just can't keep uo, I'm a real love machine
I've had far better  while in jail!
I've designed the Sears Tower, I make two grand an hour
I cook the world's best Duck Flambe
I'll take the pick of the litter, girls jockey for me
I don't need these lines to get laid

I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight
See my figure was chiseled from stone
One more for the gal then I'll escort her [bad word] last call I'm never alone
I've a house on the hill with a red waterbed
That puts Hugh Heffner's mansion to shame
With girls by the pool and Italian sports cars
I'm just here in this dump for the game...

I'm a pitiful sight, and I ain't all that bright
I'm definitely not chiseled from stone
I'm a cheat and a liar, no woman's desire
I'll probably die cold and alone...
...but just give me a chance, 'cause deep down inside
I swear I've got a big heart of gold
I'm a monogamous man, no more one night [bad word] on honey, let me take you home.