I am Doctor Mario and I am saving lives 
I look different in this game, 
(I lost the hat, got a coat, doctor light, stethoscope) 
I am Doctor Mario and I prescribe high fives 
Laughter's the best medicine, so BAH-HAH-HAH you fell down.
 
In the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm the finest doc by far 
(What?! Liar! Boo.) 
I got my degree by watching House and [bad word] and E.R. 

Brightly colored pills! (Pills) 
They'll cure all your ills! (Ills) 
Just as long as you've got fever or the chills (Cold) 

Take off your pants...
good, now let's see... 
turn your head and cough... 
okay, now do me. 
Please? 

Does it hurt to pee? (No.) 
Is it hard to see? (No.) 
I am diagnosing you with HPV (Oh.) 

You've got mononucleosis, halitosis, scoliosis, fifteen days is my prognosis 
You need red and blue pill doses! 

You've got scabies and phlebitis, chronic rabies, hepatitis, 
You'll be brave and you'll unite us, then you'll die of menengitis 

Wait wait—
I'm wrong—
you have...
crabs. 

Brightly colored pills! (Pills) 
They'll cure all your ills! (Ills) 
Just as long as you've got fever or the chills! 
Take it Floss! 
(I’m playin’ the piano and I’m playin’ really good ahnnahnna) 
Dr. Mario!