My heart is paralyzed, 
My head was oversized, 
I'll take the high road like I should. 
You said it's meant to be, 
That it's not you, it's me, 
You're leaving now for my own good. 

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are, I'm gonna say...

She went down in an airplane, 
Fried getting suntan, 
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand. 
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes! 
She met a shark under water, 
Fell and no one caught her. 
I returned everything I ever bought her. 
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies 
And ways to say you died. 

My pride still feels the sting, 
You were my everything. 
Some day I'll find a love like yours. 
She'll think I'm Superman, 
Not super minivan. 
How could you leave on Yom Kippur? 

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are, I'm gonna say...

She was caught in a mudslide, 
Eaten by a lion, 
 [bad word] over by a crappy purple Scion. 
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes! 
She dried up in the desert, 
Drown in a hot tub, 
Danced to death at an East side night club. 
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies 
And ways to say you died. 

I wanna live a thousand lives with you, 
I wanna be the one you're dying to 
Love... but you don't want to. 

That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say... 
That's cool, but if my friends ask where you are I'm gonna say... 

She went down in an airplane, 
Fried getting suntan, 
Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand. 
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes! 
She met a shark under water, 
Fell and no one caught her. 
I returned everything I ever bought her. 
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies... 

She was caught in a mudslide, 
Eaten by a lion, 
 [bad word] over by a crappy purple Scion. 
Help me, help me, I'm no good at goodbyes! 
She dried up in the desert, 
Drown in a hot tub, 
Danced to death at an East-side night club. 
Help me, help me, I'm all out of lies 
And ways to say goodbye.