Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes 
Or else you'll wind up in the can 
no jokes, don't write, sit tight, don't fool around 
you are a guest of Uncle Sam 
stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease 
Allow no  above the knees 
When I snap, you jump into the master plan 

I'll be damned 
well, I'll be damned 
I'll be damned 
If I drink or smoke 
Damned, if I steal your jokes 
I'll be damned 
If I go for broke 
damned if I do 
damned if I don't 

Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around 
I'll make a monkey out of you 
you sign your name right on the dotted line, boy 

I'll be damned 
I'll be damned 
if I drink or smoke 
damned 
If I steal your joke 
I'll be damned 
if I go for broke 
damned if I do 
I'm damned if I don't  [bad word] on 
I'll be damned 
if I drink or smoke 
damned 
if I steal your joke 
I'll be damned 
if I go for broke 
I'm damned if I do 
I'm damned if I don't 

I'll be damned 
if I drink or smoke 
damned 
if I steal your joke 
I'll be damned 
If I go for broke 
I'm damned if I do 
I'm damned if I don't 

I'll be damned 
I'll be damned