The road to the top, through crossguards and hard knocks
 Copper penny times and endless city blocks
 Thieves straight as they never been crooked rent-a-cops
 Shooting craps in the back of vacant city lots
 Free-range circus acts and worthless facts
 Dancing in my solar soggy bowl of Diggum' smacks
 Fist [bad word] [bad word] at the White on gymmats
 [bad word] the wire while I'm looking for a match
 I go back and forth just like a cameo song
 Honeys wanna love me but the line is too long
 I make 'em take a number
 Wake 'em from their slumber
 What you know about Mickey?
 (He's a bad [bad word] 
 [bad word] get my digits off the stalls of rest stops
 I'm sick on the microphone like smallpox
 Wild-eyed babies go crazy when I rock
 Blind old ladies into diabetic shock

 It's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown
 It's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown

 I flow like Niagara, go tell your manager
 That Mickey Avalon ain't no [bad word]  amateur
 I fly flicks with my [bad word] at your camera
 I rip the stick out my girl's Porsche Carrera
 I brought your whole formula, just warmin' up
 Storm the frontline and then I find a spot for lunch
 Toxic-proof punch when the [bad word]  Rocket boosters with my boots on
 Underneath the tundra reach out for the Thundercats
 Holds no better than this brother act
 I ripped [bad word] mats out your lover's pad
 And kicked your mother's [bad word] right in front of your dad
 Last night, a brass pipe and a flashlight
 Smashed my crown and left me down with a black eye
 The bad guy, walking over landmines, who can't die but still cried

 And it's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown
 It's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown

 Leave your gods and your politics back at home
 Cause I just wanna drink and be left alone
 I gotta girl who likes to talk my ear off, see
 So when I'm at the bar stay away from me
 Don't ask for a smoke or to make some change
 I don't care about your kid or your [bad word] pains
 You can call [bad word] but I like my solitude
 And we don't need to chat while we're playing pool
 So stay cool mister, I wasn't lookin' at your sister
 That snaggletoothed sea hag, lips all blistered
 Now rack the balls while I'm in the stall
 [bad word]  out vodka and walkin' up the walls
 I turn off the ringer when my lady calls
 Don't point your finger unless you want a brawl
 I chalk up my cue and sink the eight ball
 Then reach into my pocket and light a Pall Mall

 Cause it's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown
 It's all the same when they call my name
 Mickey Avalon, hustler hall of fame
 There ain't no ball and chain, to hold me down
 Got a golden smile and a platinum frown