All rise [bad word] to order
 Bailiff start the video recorder
 You've been sworn, what's your [bad word] 
 Speak up son, don't hesitate!
 He presided in his courtroom so long ago
 He was hanging cowboys for stealing
 buffalo
 Court is adjourned, for his honor's
 feeling ill
 The shaking old relic needs a glycerin pill!
 Hang up your rope 'cause you're
 looking tired
 If it was up to me they'd all be fired
 Day after day convicting all those liars
 This ain't TV jail
 It's TV [bad word] 
 [bad word]  Believe it or not
 Those walking blood clots
 Make enough money for a thousand
 foot yacht
 Who in Hollywood
 Did they every acquit?
 Just senile, judicial idiots
 As the drama unfolds
 And the law he upholds
 If you look real close
 You could see him growing mold
 Small claims messiah
 Is only a pariah to be ridiculed...
 Objection [bad word] 
 All rise as he takes the bench
 To hear his old voice make my
 gut wrench
 Silence to those who are in his court
 I'm found guilty by his report
 No washed-up judge can say to me
 The [bad word] he throws arround when
 he's on TV
 What can he [bad word] do, throw me in jail?
 I'd slap out his dentures, post them
 for bail!
 Hang up your robe 'cause you're
 looking tired
 If it was up to me they'd all be fired
 Day after day convicting all those liars
 This ain't TV jail, it's TV [bad word] 
 [bad word]  You lose the case
 To a bigger [bad word] they you today
 When [bad word] to the end
 You tell all of TV land what you've
 got to say
 When you're dead and gone
 Will they get another fossil to carry on?
 They must go to school
 To hand-pick these old fools
 I say to you
 Objection [bad word] 
 It's all Perry Mason's fault!
 Cat strangling