(voices fading in)
Nurse: Excuse me? Doctor? Do you have a moment?
Doctor: moment? What's the question?
Nurse: More of a situation, a gentleman in exam 3.
Doctor: What's the problem?
Nurse: That is the problem, we're not sure.
Doctor: You got the chart?
Nurse: Right here.
Doctor: Not much here to say
Nurse: No doctor, no obvious physical
trauma. Vitals are stable.
Doctor: Name?
Nurse: No sir.
Doctor: Did someone drop him off?
Maybe we could speak to them.
Let's get some background on this fella.
Nurse: No ID. Nothing (heavy breathing in background)
And he won't speak to anybody.
Doctor: Well, let's say hello.

Doctor [bad word] in to exam): Good Morning, I'm Dr. Lawson.
How are you today?
How - are - you today?
Look son, you're in a safe place.
We wanna help in whatever way we can.
But you need to talk to us.
We can't help you otherwise.
What's happened?
Tell me everything.

(Growling and heavy breathing grows louder)

Alrighty, then ... picture this if you will.

10 to 2 AM, X, Yogi DMT, and a box of Krispy Kremes,
In my "need to know" pose, just outside of Area 51
Contemplating the whole "chosen people" thingy
When a flaming stealth banana split the sky
Like one would hope but never really expect
To see in a place like this.
Cutting right angle donuts on a dime
And stopping right at my Birkenstocks,
And me yelping...

Holy [bad word] [bad word] 

Then the X-Files being,
Looking like some kind of blue-green Jackie Chan
With Isabella Rossellini lips, and breath that reeked of
Vanilla Chig Champa
Did a slow-mo Matrix descent
Outta the butt end of the banana vessel
And hovered above my bug-eyes, my gaping jaw,
And my sweaty L. Ron Hubbard upper lip,
And all I could think was:
"I hope Uncle Martin here doesn't notice
That I [bad word] my [bad word]  pants."

So light in his way,
Like an apparition, [that]
He had me crying out,
 [bad word] me
It's gotta be
The Deadhead Chemistry
The blotter got [right] on top of me
Got me seein' [bad word] -T!"

And after calming me down
With some orange slices
And some fetal spooning,
E.T. revealed to me his singular purpose.
He said, "You are the Chosen One,
The One who will deliver the message.
message of hope for those who choose to hear it
And a warning for those who do not."
Me. The Chosen One?
They chose me!!!
And I didn't even graduate from [bad word]  high school.

You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better...
You'd better listen.

Then he looked right through me
With somniferous almond eyes
Don't even know what that means
Must remember to write it down
This is so real
Like the time Dave floated away
See, my heart is pounding
'Cause this [bad word] never happens to me

I can't breathe right now!

It was so real,
Like I woke up in Wonderland.
All sorta terrifying
I don't wanna be all alone
While I tell this story.
And can anyone tell me why
Y'all sound like Peanuts parents?
Will I ever [bad word] down?
This is so real
Finally, it's my lucky day
See, my heart is racing
'Cause this [bad word] never happens to me

I can't breathe right now!

You believe me, don't you?
Please believe what I've just said!
See the Dead ain't touring
And this wasn't all in my head.
See, they took me by the hand
And invited me right in.
Then they showed me something
I don't even know where to begin.

Strapped down [to] my bed
Feet cold [and] eyes red
I'm out of my head
I alive? I dead?
Can't remember what they said
God [bad word]  [bad word] the bed.

Hey ...

Overwhelmed as one would be, placed in my position.
Such a heavy burden now to be the O