My girl went to the doctor 'cause her heart had palpitations
He said cut the carbs, or else she'd end up pushing up carnations
She stepped up on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh Lordy
If you don't drop a few, girl, you won't make it past age forty"

My girl said, "Hey lookie, on that fancy x-ray chart"
Said the doctor, "Holy [bad word]  that's one G.D. big [bad word] heart"

I'm telling you my friend, my girl's got a big [bad word] heart
When she shops for groceries that heart gets its own [bad word] cart
That big [bad word] heart can pump two tons of love through her chest
And then sit down and win a lovin' pie-eating contest

I love that big [bad word] heart so much I think it isn't fair
Like how your heart won't pay me back for breaking all my chairs
So sick with love I think [bad word] down with rickets
When that big [bad word] heart flies coach it has to pay for two plane tickets

Oh, that big [bad word] heart
Oh, that big [bad word] heart