Well, you should see Polythene Pam,
She's so good looking but she looks like a man.
Well, you should see her in drag,
Dressed in her polythene bag.
Yes, you should see Polythene Pam. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get a dose of her in jackboots and kilt.
She's killer diller when she's dressed to the hilt.
She's the kind of a girl that makes the "News of the World."
Yes, you could say she was attractively built. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She came in through the bathroom window,
Protected by a silver spoon.
But now she sucks her thumb and wonders
By the banks of her own lagoon.
Didn't anybody tell her?
Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me.
She said she'd always been a dancer,
She worked at fifteen clubs a day,
And though she thought I knew the answer,
Well, I knew what I could not say.
And so I quit the p'lice department,
And got myself a steady job.
And though she tried her best to help me,
She could steal, but she could not rob.
Didn't anybody tell her?
Didn't anybody see?
Sunday's on the phone to Monday,
Tuesday's on the phone to me, oh yeah.