Well, Texas Annie had a big fat [bad word]  and she drove a black sedan
She had Ben Wa Balls in her overalls and a [bad word] full of contraband.
And when the fog was thick, she'd pack her [bad word]  and sneak across the county line,
'Cause in Texas, any tool for [bad word] is a crime.

Hard-livin' and promiscuous, she kinda liked the risk,
She was a liquor-drinkin' [bad [bad word]  rascal.
With an electronic phallus for each housewife up in Dallas
An' a probe for every [bad word] in El Paso.

Cos you can't buy a [bad word] in Texas
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
For a prison term of twenty-seven years.

Well, she'd rent a room in a cheap saloon and start sellin' all her wares,
She'd be drinkin' whisky and gettin' frisky, conductin' her affairs.
And by the end of the night, she'd be good and tight, with a girl on either side,
And she'd grab her saddle and a ping-pong paddle and she'd take them for a ride.

Till the good ol' boys got their good ol' balls all tied up in a sling,
And the governor said "I'll have her head, that butch is gonna swing,"
The boys felt replaced and they felt disgraced and they chased her hard and long
There's no debate in the Lone Star State about who should wear the dong.

Cos you can't buy a [bad word] in Texas
We don't touch ourselves down there round here, ya' hear?
And it says so in the Bible that a vibe'll leave you liable
To be tried before a jury of your [bad word]  I mean, peers.

Right, definitely peers.

Annie in the bedroom picking out toys,
Annie been caught by the governor's boys,
Annie gonna get the electric chair,
thousand volts in the derriere.

(spoken)Wooo-hooo! (laugh) Do it again, [bad word] [bad word] on!

So they strapped her in and the governor grinned, "I guess you've had your fun,
Shoulda made your money as a playboy bunny or by selling people guns.
So goodnight Texas Annie - I hope you burn in [bad word] "
She said "I'll see you there, you sonofabitch, and I'll see your wife as well!"

So he flipped the switch, she began to twitch and vibrate all around,
Smoke filled the room, there was a thunderous boom and a high pitched buzzing sound.
And as the air cleared, she'd disappeared, and a hundred eyes grew wide
The men were stiff with horror, but their wives looked satisfied.

Cos you can't buy a [bad word] in Texas,
So here's your chance to stick it to the man.
Take every opportunity to whack off with impunity,
Go [bad word] yourselves as often as you can.