Oh love it is a funny funny thing
It affects both young and old
Like a plate of burning ash
Many's the man that is sold
Make you feel like a fresh water eel
Cause your head to swell
You will lose your mind 'cause love is blind
You will empty your pocket as well

 [bad word] (after each verse):
Boys I say from the girls keep away
Give them lots of room
When you're wed they will hit you on the head
With the bald-headed end of the broom
When a man is in love with a pretty little girl
He will talk to her gentle as a dove
Give her all his money and he'll call her honey
And it's all for fun and love
When the money's all spent and you can't pay the rent
You'll find the story's [bad word] 
That a mole in the arm's worth two in the leg
What's he going to do?

With a wife and fifteen half-starved kids
You will find that it is no fun
When the [bad word] around to collect his dues
With his dog and the double-barrelled gun
Screaming baby on each knee
Plaster on your nose
You'll find [bad word] love [bad word] very smooth
When you wear those pawnshop clothes

So now my boys take my advice
Don't be in any hurry to wed
You'll think you're in clover till the honeymoon is over
Then you'll wish you were dead
When the rents are high and the children cry
For want of hash to chaw
You'll find his son's gonna pick up his gun
And shoot his mother-in-law.

Oh love it is a funny funny thing
It affects both young and old
Like a plate of burning ash
Many's the man that is sold
Make you feel like a fresh water eel
Cause your head to swell
You will lose your mind 'cause love is blind
You will empty your pocket as well