Hmm
fine romance, my good fellow
You take romance, I'll take jello
You're calmer than the seals
In the Arctic Ocean
At least they flap their fins
To express emotion

fine romance with no quarrels
With no insults, and all morals
I've never mussed the crease
In your blue serge pants
I never get the chance
This is a fine romance

Hmm
fine romance, with no kisses
fine romance, my friend, this is
To love (?), to have the thrills
That a healthy crime has
We don't have half the thrills
That the march of time has

fine romance, with no clinches
fine romance, with no pinches
You're just as hard to land
As the Ille de France
I haven't got a chance
My heart's not made of plastic
You're the reason I'm sarcastic
'Cause this is a fine, fine romance

Hah! 
––––––––––––––––––––––––
Jerome Kern (music), Dorothy Fields (lyrics)

***
fine romance, with no kisses
fine romance, my friend this is
We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes
But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes
fine romance, you won't nestle
fine romance, you won't wrestle
I might as well play bridge
With my old maid aunt
I haven't got a chance
This is a fine romance