GILDEROY:
Who's wiser than a warlock, and tougher than a troll,
and charming as a candy cane?
Faster than a phoenix, sly as a sphinx,
and always set to entertain?
Here to give this sagging tale a hero to employ.
Look up to the skies, now look in my eyes,
it's Gilderoy!

Who's handsome as a hobbit, and manly as a mare,
and always gives the girls a wink?
Who's funny as a ferret, and quick as a quill,
and always sings without a lip sync?
Here to rid your nostrils of that dreadful Potter boy
'cause that smell in the air is the marvelous flair of
scuse me, Gilderoy!

Long ago lived a fellow who caught your eye,
Hair that curled in a beautiful fro.
Now it's gone, and replaced with a suit and tie,
dancing in a variety show.
Oh, where did he go? Does he even care at all?
Recently, he's been acting very [bad word] 
Every day, his story grows more and more banal,
And Voldemort [bad word] this year.
Gilderoy is here to fill your short attention span.
Why look at that wonder boy,
when you could be looking at a wonder man?

GIRLS:
We could be looking at a wonder man!

GILDEROY:
Who was Wizard of the Year seven times in seven years?
(spoken) Who was it?
KIDS:
Gilderoy!

GILDEROY:
Who conquered all his fears and made a bogart disappear?
(spoken) go on say it!
KIDS:
Gilderoy!

GILDEROY:
Who taught a yeti how to sing?
Walked in to Mordor and destroyed the ring?
Battled a banshee and came out a champ?
trapped Jafar inside of a lamp?
Stories of wonder for each girl and boy
Paperback or hardback, for you to enjoy
Form an orderly line,

KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!

GILDEROY:
Ladies one at a time!

KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!

GILDEROY:
Give me something to sign!
KIDS:
It's Gilderoy!

GILDEROY:
All sales are final.
Soon the school will be mine!
EVERYONE:
It's Gilderoy!!

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