Along the forest road, there’s hundreds of cars - luxury cars
Each has got it’s load of convertible bars, cutlery cars - superscars!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
’cos they disagree on a gangland boundary
They disagree on a gangland boundary

There’s willy wright and his boys -
One helluva noise, that’s billy’s boys!
With fully-fashioned mugs, that’s little john’s thugs,
The barking slugs - supersmugs!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
Yes these christian soldiers fight to protect the poor
East end heroes got to score in

The battle of epping forest,
Yes it’s the battle of epping forest,
Right outside your door
You ain’t seen nothing like it
No, you ain’t seen nothing like it,
Not since the civil war [bad word] over the hill are the boys of bill,
And johnny’s lads stand very still
With the thumpire’s shout, they all start to clout
- there’s no guns in this gentleman’s bout
Georgie moves in on the outside left
With a chain flying round his head;
And harold demure, from art literature,
Nips up the nearest tree [bad word] the cavalry!)

Amidst the battle roar,
Accountants keep the score: 10-4
They’ve never been alone, after getting a radiophone
The bluebells are ringing for sweetmeal sam, real ham,
Handing out bread and jam just like any picnic

It’s 5-4 on william wright; he made his pile on derby night
When billy was a kid, walking the streets,
The other kids hid - so they did!
And now, after working hard in security trade, he’s got it made
The shops that need aid are those that haven’t paid

"i do my double-show quick!" said mick the prick, fresh out the nick
"i sell cheap holiday the minute they leave,
Then a visit I pay - and does it pay!"
And his friend, liquid len by name,
Of wine, women and wandsworth fame,
Said "i’m breaking the legs of the [bad word] that got me framed!"

They called me the reverend when I entered the church unstained;
My employers have changed but the name has remained
It all began when I went on a tour,
Hoping to find some furniture
I followed a sign - it said "beautiful chest"
It led to a lady who showed me her best
She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes
So she rang the bell, and quick as [bad word] Bob the nob came out on his job
To see what the trouble was
"louise, is the reverend hard to please? "
"you’re telling me!"
"perhaps, sir, if it’s not too late
We could interest you in our old-fashioned staffordshire plate? "
"oh no, not me, I’m a man of repute"
But the devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out "shoot!"

To save my steeple, I visited people;
For this I’d gone when I met little john
His name came, I understood,
When the judge said "you’re a robbing hood"
He told me of his strange foundation,
Conceived on sight of the woodstock nation;
He’d had to hide his reputation
When poor, ’twas salvation from door to door
But now, with a pin-up [bad word] every week,
It’s love, peace & [bad word] incorporated for all who seek

He employed me as a karma-ma-mechanic, with overall charms
His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms
That’s why we’re in

The battle of epping forest,
Yes it’s the battle of epping forest,
Right outside your door
We guard your souls for peanuts,
And we guard your shops and houses
For just a little more

In with a left hook is the bethnal green butcher,
But he’s countered on the right by mick’s chain-gang fight,
And liquid len, with his smashed bottle men,
Is lobbing bob the nob across the gob
With his kisser in a mess, bob seems under stress,
But jones the jug hits len right in the mug;
And harold demure, who’s still not quite sure,
Fires acorns from out of his sling [bad word] the cava