When I was a kid there was a kind of dilemma
That could break my heart in two
I've always wanted to be like my mother
But my daddy attracted me too

I'm gonna keep it straight now
Without inappropriate gloss
I went to church every Sunday
To see a naked man on the cross

It helped me at school a little
When I recited the ABC
I could forget just any letter
But I've always remembered the 
When I was enlisted in the army
I was so very glad
I wouldn't mind doing it with a soldier
Even on a dirty bed

When I tell my girlfriend I'm not in the mood
She thinks I'm just too tired
I think it's time for her to know
It's her brother I've always admired

As I no longer hide my intention
No longer have to pretend
There's just one object for my admiration
The gun of my best friend